Photo Credit: Emily Boffeli
I love a good coffee shop crush. You know when you go to a coffee shop/ cafe/ restaurant alone and you sit down to have a snack, but then see a snack (a good looking person). Especially on a bright warm day when you’re sitting outside as the sunny just gently warms your legs while the shadow falls on the rest of you, and can hear the birds flutter past you or an a cold rainy day when you quickly dash into the first coffee shop you see to avoid getting drenched.
At first you make the initial eye contact as you get situated, and then while in between glancing at the menu you glance up at them and make eye contact, and one moment after another you begin to wonder what they are like. Are they funny? Are they in a relationship? Is it their lunch break? Is what they ordered good? Do they like their coffee with milk or just sugar? Do they come here often?
While you’re waiting for your food this initial eye contact begins to create a story and a quick little cat and mouse chase. You look up they’re looking at you, but who will be the one to look away first? Maybe what catches your eye is a friendly smile or soft eyes or maybe they remind you of someone you knew another lifetime ago or maybe when they walked in they had that energy that just commands the rooms attention. It is always something, something that catches your eye compared to every other person in the room.
While so absolutely harmless, it never moves past more than a wink or a smile, it is so playful and reminiscent of a good song, short and sweet. Coffee shop crushes can be just as sweet as your latte and chocolate croissant, as you take a quick break from your everyday life to let your mind wander with the eyes of a stranger while your imagination runs.
And all this lasts the perfect amount of time, just one cup of coffee and a chocolate croissant. And when you get up to leave, and carry on with the rest of your day, you look back just once more, and as your eyes meet, for a subtle goodbye.
Photo credit Google.com
The only way I can describe my first heartbreak is by comparing it to the first time I rode my bike down a big hill while visiting my grandparents in Estonia. It was something new, and I felt like I could accomplish anything, even though I was terrified and had butterflies in my stomach; the feeling completely encompassed me and I was excited… until halfway down the hill I realize how fast I was going, and that I actually had no idea how to stop the bike. This best describes the point in the relationship when I realized things were going sour but still tried to hold on to it, hoping that things would turn out how I’d planned in my head. Unfortunately, in both my relationship and biking incident, I ended up crashing and burning, lol. No matter how I tried to steer the bike or the relationship, the inevitable still happened; I could only try to make it hurt less.
However, just because it was painful, doesn't mean it wasn't an experience worth having. When it comes to first heart breaks, there is a lot to forgive and be thankful for, especially if you want to gain something from it.
Forgive him for having dumb friends (because as funny as they thought it was to make that joke, we all know how ridiculous it was — they were no Jim Carrey).
Forgive him for any anniversaries or birthdays he missed, because when that new guy comes along and makes a big deal out of every date and birthday you celebrate together, you can let yourself smile in the knowledge that you've found someone that makes your happiness a priority.
Forgive him for being too young to realize what he had, because now you've learned to hold yourself at top shelf value, and are on your way to finding someone who will only treat you like the best.
Forgive him for those times he said he'd call or text and never did because even though you might have initially been upset, think about how you spent that time: maybe it was picking up a new book to read, or going to a new restaurant with your best friends. You learned how to create a good situation out of something that might not have started out that way.
Forgive yourself for anything stupid you might have said because, to be honest, those lead to the good stories you tell your friends, and now you have only improved your flirting skills with boys. ;)
Forgive yourself for any passive aggressive text or tweet you might have sent because it felt good to get those feelings out!
Forgive yourself for all those times you lurked his Facebook and judged that new girl he met, when really you know you guys would have been awesome friends under different circumstances.
Thank your friends for being there to wipe away the tears, for bringing you that tub of ice cream, and making you laugh — for showing you there is no greater medicine than laugher, and friendship is worth more than money can buy.
Thank your family for always being there, whether they understood what you were going through at the time or not.
Thank your new guy for understanding how little or much he might know about your past, for not letting that dim any light he might see in you, and for letting you shine to your full potential.
Thank yourself for being stronger than you were a week ago, a month ago, a year ago; the heart knows no time, so for as long as it takes you to heal, give yourself that time!
This holiday season, thank yourself for having your first heart break and promise yourself you'll try a little more each day to let that old scar fade into just another life experience. There are so many other memories to be made, more laughter to be had, and more hills to overtake. Make the eight-year-old you that fell off her bike proud! :)
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Photo credit Google.com
I am currently in a long-term relationship and it's going relatively well. Plus, my boyfriend seems to be serious about it, so no complaints. Most girls would be twice over the moon and back over this, but as for myself, it terrifies me. I can’t think of anything scarier than getting into a relationship at 20 that can potentially last a lifetime!
I realize I might sound cynical and as if I'm against relationships, but before this, I was the poster girl for being single, selfish, and free in your 20s. I posted all of the lists of “Why Being Single in Your 20s is the Best” and “Why You Shouldn’t Get into a Relationship Till You’ve Done X, Y, and Z.” I lived by the quote, “Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with.”
In a way, I felt like being in a committed relationship at 20 was like cheating on myself, the single me I had envisioned myself as: one who backpacks across Europe with her best friends, dances on bars, finds summer love in a musician who’ll only break her heart later, and colors her hair pink, blue, and purple all in the same year. I can’t do that now, because I might have to meet my boyfriend's parents!
I know what you’re thinking. If I am so insistent on this single-girl persona I've created for myself, why not just end things with my boyfriend and live my life? Well, I said I wanted to be free, but I'm not dumb enough to let go of a good thing. My boyfriend is the sweetest guy around; my roommates can vouch for me — they call him a saint for putting up with me, lol.
I also know that, at the end of the day, he's the guy that will backpack across Europe with me, catch me as I fall off the bar in my attempt to be Britney Spears for a night, learn to play the guitar so I can meet my dreamy musician, and encourage me to dye my hair pink if it's something I want to do.
Despite the fact that in the back of my mind I think I am letting the 20-year-old me who wants to be single down, the truth is, I know if I was single, I would spend most of my time writing blog posts and hanging around Tallahassee rather than accomplishing any of my extravagant plans.
I wanted to write this because I figured I couldn’t be the only girl in a relationship that still sometimes wants to live out any last ounce of the single life I might have left, in fear that the grass will be greener on the other side. However, I want to finish by saying, don’t do it! All we're doing is over-romanticizing something we can use as a crutch to avoid throwing ourselves 100% into a good thing, in fear of getting hurt. Think back to when you were single — was it everything you imagined and more?
If you’re happy in your relationship, you shouldn’t give it up for “what if’s” and “just because’s;” you might be trading in a travel partner for lonely nights watching Netflix. That being said, if you’re unhappy in your relationship, drop it and be single for a while.
My advice is to always follow what makes you happy, because at the end of the day, that is what will get you through any not-so glamorous and rainy days that might come your way. :)
P.S. To all my single girls out there: you do you, and never let anyone keep you down!
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