I love a good coffee shop crush. You know when you go to a coffee shop/ cafe/ restaurant alone and you sit down to have a snack, but then see a snack (a good looking person). Especially on a bright warm day when you’re sitting outside as the sunny just gently warms your legs while the shadow falls on the rest of you, and can hear the birds flutter past you or an a cold rainy day when you quickly dash into the first coffee shop you see to avoid getting drenched.
At first you make the initial eye contact as you get situated, and then while in between glancing at the menu you glance up at them and make eye contact, and one moment after another you begin to wonder what they are like. Are they funny? Are they in a relationship? Is it their lunch break? Is what they ordered good? Do they like their coffee with milk or just sugar? Do they come here often?
While you’re waiting for your food this initial eye contact begins to create a story and a quick little cat and mouse chase. You look up they’re looking at you, but who will be the one to look away first? Maybe what catches your eye is a friendly smile or soft eyes or maybe they remind you of someone you knew another lifetime ago or maybe when they walked in they had that energy that just commands the rooms attention. It is always something, something that catches your eye compared to every other person in the room.
While so absolutely harmless, it never moves past more than a wink or a smile, it is so playful and reminiscent of a good song, short and sweet. Coffee shop crushes can be just as sweet as your latte and chocolate croissant, as you take a quick break from your everyday life to let your mind wander with the eyes of a stranger while your imagination runs.
And all this lasts the perfect amount of time, just one cup of coffee and a chocolate croissant. And when you get up to leave, and carry on with the rest of your day, you look back just once more, and as your eyes meet, for a subtle goodbye.
Is it cliché if...The person living here, works in tech, throws a killer 4th of July party, and while they have plenty friends and tons to do on the weekends, they often finds themselves up at 1am alone. They're not lonely per say, but will feel alone at times. Because when it comes to matters of the heart they always held back. They never got married, and never had kids, has two dogs though. While they still stands by their decision to rather ruin their couch with dogs, than their life with kids, they sometimes do think back and wishes they got married. There was every only one person they would have married, and while looking back they blames it on the timing, they knows it was really them who refused to grow up, and always assumed they'd find another. They don't let those thoughts marinate for long, but rather pushes them back in their mind, and sends a text, "you up?" And waits for the text bubbles to pop up.
Momma and I landed at Miami International Airport this day today, 20 years ago. Wild. Time as a concept is funny because looking back it has flown by, but I know there are some moments that looking back felt like they were going to last forever, high school, and there are some moments where I swear I can put myself back into and relive through my memories. Even some smells will place me in a specific time, location, or with a certain person.
Looking back I can't imagine what thoughts were going through my head the moment this photo was taken. Maybe the bottoms of the flowers really were all that consumed my thoughts then. Maybe there was a little fear, I imagine there would be, but I honestly couldn't imagine my life growing up anywhere else. How different would it have been. Who would have been my best friends? my lovers? my heartbreaks? where would I have traveled?
I think we often live our life in hindsight looking back, and I think that is when we have the most clarity. Often times in the moment we get clouded with thoughts and emotions that distract ourselves from truly enjoying life. In hindsight we can always look back and realize how great that experience was. I want to get better at enjoying the moment in the present rather than when I look back in hindsight.
So here is to the next 20!
Also, can I bring back the vest? thoughts?
Is it cliché if...I picture the person living here as: someone who only wears vintage, paints on the weekends (the balcony give inspo for days), has a killer signing voice, but only sings "for fun," throws lavish dinner parties, with tons of rosé bottles, mix match plates, and dessert that never gets eaten because it turns into impromptu jam sessions till 5am before that.
Has a lover that only wears black and drives a motorcycle (the one parked out front, and they even used it once to drive across the US), and even though they realize their lover is their soulmate, they won't commit. Often times they debate it when their lover goes to pick up morning coffee as the morning sun beams peek through the curtains, the smog starts to clear, and the breeze falls in, so they put on their silk robe, and walk out to the balcony to enjoy what is their last cigarette because they're planning to quit and start pilates next week because their friend Leah swears it's "life changing" (lol), which they'll soon realize Leah is full of bs and the only reason to wake up really early is for coffee, cigarettes, and love.
Peaceful is what comes to mind when I think of you.
I love who I became because of you. The views, the memories, I'll cherish them all. Oh sweet 1976, you are perfect to me.
We grew and flourished together just like the plants on my floor. Being absolutely humble while saying this, but I have a SERIOUS green thumb.
Please refer to my contact page for any plant/garden advice.
Los Angeles…. Oh my lord! How did we begin this love affair? Truthfully I can’t recall the first time I heard about California or heard a song that sang your sweet melody, but I do remember the first time I visited, I’m a sucker, it was summertime, and I’m a summertime lover.
From that first trip back in 2011 there wasn’t a moment of that time that I would change. Endlessly, is how much I talked about you after, and how I longed to get kissed by your golden sunset once more. You see no matter what you think of LA before you visit it’ll never exactly be what you thought it to be until you find “your place.” While initially that might sound off putting, but it is true. Very quickly you learn if you are “hispster” enough for Silverlake, or craving that lust from the entrainment world in Hollywood, or maybe you’re mellow enough to bike to the beach in Venice. Whatever it may be the biggest advice I have to anyone in LA is learn yourself, and love yourself because through that you’ll find “your place.”
My place just happens to be Los Feliz, while relatively unknown to most tourist it has become my home. From Franklin to Avocado St all the way to the hustle of Los Feliz Blvd you’re exactly what I was looking for in LA. The tall palms that kiss the golden sunset, as it sets behind Griffith Park is a view I enjoy most nights. Or maybe it’s the little sidewalk cafés and the Italian restaurant under my apartment that has me convinced you’re home. Whatever it is, the fact that I found this place is an absolute movie. I should note at this point I am a glass of red wine in, so I might be a little wine drunk on LA, but even when the buzz fades “thankful” is the only word that comes to mind.
For the sake of honesty, and I consider myself an honest person, I figured I should divulge on some details in my life. It’s been a while since we last talked, but back in May I celebrated my one-year anniversary in LA, and how wonderful that was. Leading up to that moment though I had, had a boyfriend, lost a boyfriend, had an internship, had a job, lived by USC, lived in DTLA, and then moved to Los Feliz. Everything up until the moment I moved to Los Feliz felt like one huge life lesson after another, there were tears involved and midnight phone calls to my parents. However, from the second I stepped foot in my little studio apartment a sense of calmness filled my life. Life got relatively stable I had a place of my own, a very well paid job with an insanely popular clothing label, and a solid group of homies in the city. You see though, while I was content, and comfortable, I wasn’t truly happy or hungry for more in my life, which is fine, it’s livable, and I would have kept on in that comfort.
Inevitably, though life is funny, and now here I am my stomach full from a meatball sandwich and red wine on a Wednesday night as a pen my lover letter to LA because I am currently….unemployed (pause for dramatization). Even though that is my absolute reality at this moment, and it is worth noting that the reason for this recent change in employment is just business as usual and nothing personal, it is still my realty. However, being what I have gone though in the last year (tears, belly laughs, butterflies, anxiety, and absolute contentment) I am confident in that LA will hold me through this moment of uncertainty just how we did a year ago when I was scrambling to find a place to live and instead found a neighborhood I’ll forever call home. So while I appreciate any absolute concerns of empathy you might have for me, I know LA and I’ll be ok, no back up plan needed. You see in the end of the day, it’s me and the city, and the city she loves me.
While I have more to share, and this is just he beginning of what I hope to be a long lasting endeavor, I thought I’d pen together this piece to let you all know I’m alright, and I’ll still be home for the Holidays.
What a wild thought it is to “almost have it.” Yet, it is something we have all gone through and Adell and Taylor Swift have mad millions off of albums about almost having “it.” Whether “it” is, a relationship, job, or your hearts greatest desire, it is an encompassing feeling. Often times we become obsessed with the idea of just how close we were to that feeling of success or the comfort of having your life planned out perfectly. Sometimes even years from now we will still be able to feel the tingle in our fingers, the sweetness on our tongue, and the last breath in our lungs just before we lost “it.” However, it is a quiet humbling experience losing “it.” It is reminder that we are human, and that as much as we like to think we have it figured out, or that we are beating the system. In fact, it proves as a reminder from the great powers above or within (whatever it is you may believe in) that we are not in control. Blame it on the timing, something you had said, or maybe the fact that it had been a rainy day. Sometimes things aren’t just supposed to go that way.
However, losing “it” can’t make you a cynic. It has to be a reminder that maybe part of the reason we are “here,” on Earth in this bodying experience, is to learn. Learn to get better. Whether it be to find happiness in yourself, to truly love yourself, or to just learn how to pick things back up when they fall apart.
Remember when you lose lose “it” to breath. It is ok. Whatever “it” was it didn’t define you and you were, are, and always have been a great person. Remember that the best way to recover from losing “it” is to take the time to mourn the loss. Whether it be a day, month, or years one day you will wake up and be ok with losing “it.” Remember to learn from the experience. This doesn’t mean to dissect everything that was said and do, but rather to take what you loved from it and understand what you learned and where you have room to grow. None of us are perfect in fact that is the beauty in life and according to science perfection and symmetry actually kind of freak us out (this was in regard to facial symmetry, but truthfully can be applied to life in general). Remember after all is said and done to look at the bigger picture. Never let one moment define you. You are human and no human should ever be defined by one moment. It’s cool to give yourself a pep talk. I once read that Victoria Beckham repeats to herself everyday, after a big breath, the line “I know what I want.” You do know what you want and whether it is love or a job that one moment of losing “it” doesn’t mean you lost your goal, but rather you learned from that one experience and it’ll make reaching your goal just that much sweeter.
I don’t know if it is just my friends that are extremely indecisive or maybe it is all of us as a whole, generationally. I’m sure you all have friends who can’t seem to figure out who they want to date, what they want to major in or even what they want to do as a career. Truthfully, we all have a little bit of indecisiveness in us, and I’m sure there is an article out there somewhere that cites the fact that because we were introduced to technology at a young age, it has caused us to crave the latest and greatest endorphin release. Or maybe it was all those cellphone companies to blame. How could I really decide if I wanted to keep my pink razor in sixth grade when the sidekick had just come out?
How does the most indecisive generation, the kids that have gotten a new phone every year, deal with picking just one career path? It seems as though we are currently in a losing battle, and with the holiday season coming up we will most definitely have to answer question such as, “Are you dating anyone?” “Do you know what you’re doing after graduation?” and my personal favorite, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” If financial stability didn’t carry such an importance in the future I’d probably like to be about four different things before I retire and become a crazy grandma. I’d like to work in fashion, maybe own my own tech business, maybe be a teacher for awhile. Psychics always told me my purpose in life was to teach others, and maybe even be an astronaut? Going to the moon would be cool. I have heard countless friends say if you didn’t need a degree for your job or if getting a degree weren’t so expensive they’d want to switch their career path multiple times “when they’re older.”
I’m sure you all have that one friend that knew they wanted to be a doctor the first time they fell and patched up their own wound, which is awesome because truthfully those are the people I want as my doctors. However, if you’re like the rest of us, you might not know 100 percent. I want to help you all conquer holiday season with strength, and not fear of your relatives and the questions they might ask.
I know it is beyond cheesy but mood boards, dream boards, Tumblr pages or even keeping a journal have helped me find out,“What I want to be when I grow up.” I read a quote a while back and it said something along the lines of “What you do during your spare time is probably what you should do for the rest of your life.” If watching music videos on YouTube is your favorite thing, look at a career in A&R for record companies and help find new talent. Maybe you enjoy planning weekend trips with your friends? Than maybe look to event planning or PR for future career paths. Maybe you enjoy a good Netflix binge? There’s no shame in that. Look at what shows you are constantly drawn to or who your favorite characters are, or if there is a common theme. That can help you see what you’re attracted to in terms of the future.
Like everything in life, it’s going to take us all a few tries to figure out what we want to be. Take time for yourself this holiday season and put it on paper. It is so helpful to be able to visualize and see concretely what your plan is. I promise somewhere in between the Tumblr pages, journals and mood boards you’ll figure it out. If not then ask your relatives how they knew because it’ll buy you at least a few hours while aunt Jill explains to everyone how she figured out her dream career path. However, I hope you know it is never too late to become whom you want to be when you grow up, and when you realize it I hope you have the courage to pursue it!
A glimpse into my ever changing life through the words I've typed.